Jag needs serious help

OK, to those of you who I tend to socialize with, you'll already know this, but my girlfriend has been upset with me for quite a while now. Today, she visited me at work, not angry at me, in fact she never really was that angry, at least when she figured these things out. Two things have happened to her, and it concerns us both, and I need help on how to proceed with them.

1. She is pregnant, currently with either our son or daughter for the past two weeks. How did that happen? I don't know, but my jaw dropped at that situation.

2. This is potentially upsetting, and I've been with her for hours now. On Friday night, she was raped. Need I say anything else about that?

I don't know how to deal with this situation. We're nowhere near ready for children, we're not married, we don't live with each other, in fact we both still live in our parents' houses basically. But she's run into the moral question on whether or not to abort our son/daughter. Not only that, but I have no idea how to approach the "I've been raped" situation, I've never even known anybody who has. (Note: I would REALLY appreciate that any of you with "You should've have done this" comments just save it. I really don't need it right now.)

What do I do??

I don't know anything about adoption but can't you try to give the child up to get adopted when him/her is born, I really don't know, if your not ready for a child then abortion or adoption is really your only option. Unless one of your relatives can take care of him/her and help you out its going to be extremely tough to take care of a child. Good luck with this and sorry this had to happen.

Its Obvious that you have to rape the rapist.

Talk to your parents.

And how the hell was she in a situation where she got raped?

^This.

I really don't want to influence your decision (I doubt you'll be influenced by a 14-year-old anyway.), but if you really need the help, I'll express my opinion.

Is it the baby not being yours you're worried about? Or just not being ready to be parents?

I mean, as far as abortion, It's none of our rights to tell you what is right and what is wrong, in fact, I say if you think you're ready, you're ready, and if you're not, then I guess you're not. Just go with your gut, or think what'll be best for the child, people have raised children in worse conditions that I'm presuming you're in, if you decide to raise this child, I have no doubt you'll make a great parent.

As for the rape subject, I can't say I know how to approach it either, just comfort her as much as you can without relating to much to the rape subject, There's no doubt in my mind she'll have psychological damage, but it's all about recovery after what's done has been done.

I'm really sorry such a thing had to happen to your girlfriend, but nevertheless, if you're thinking about keeping him/her, congratulations, I suppose.

Alright, you probably know what I would say, and as much as I would love to, I will "save it" at your request.

Ignoring the past (what has happened has happened), this is definitely serious incident.

Before you go on with anything, make sure you discuss the decision completely with her first; the mental burden of carrying your "rapists" child is horrible, and can change a person. IF you consider an abortion, the sooner the better. I don't know if it is too late for the 'morning after pill', but that is also an option.

Before any of the above though, be sure to be there with her for full support. I wouldn't try to press any answers out of her (as in "who did it!!"), being there and supportive is the best option. There are many "rape counseling centers" (idk the exact name) out there that can help for recovery, if she is still in a traumatic state. I wouldn't again try to force anything; the best course of action imo is just assuring her that it isn't her fault or she hasn't done anything wrong; being supportive.

Spoiler:

IMO, I wouldn't have the kid, yours or not. A child that young is a major burden in many ways, and will definitely change your life, and most definitely affect future plans. Ultimately though, it is you and her call, not mine (obviously).

The following is very informative pdf on "what to do" (I didn't make it) that may be helpful:

http://www.janetmeyer.com/articles/SexualAssault/Significant%20Others%20Brochure.pdf


Best of luck man.

^this

As far as the kid goes, you basically have three options: Adoption, Abortion, Keeping it.

As far as abortion goes, that's on your own moral compass. I could argue pro-choice just as well as someone else could argue pro-life. Completely on you. Adoption, however, might be a nice alternative if abortion is out the window.

Statistically speaking, and I hate to sound like an asshole, you are much more likely to end up in poverty if you keep the kid at the age you are now. You are 70% more likely, in fact. Furthermore, having a kid that young places such a great burden on the family. My sister is nineteen and is due on New Years.

Whatever your choice, I hope everything works out for you.

Like Meatshield and Cry, I'm also curious how she was in the position to be raped.

MrKurt2012 wrote:I don't know anything about adoption but can't you try to give the child up to get adopted when him/her is born, I really don't know, if your not ready for a child then abortion or adoption is really your only option. Unless one of your relatives can take care of him/her and help you out its going to be extremely tough to take care of a child. Good luck with this and sorry this had to happen.

Thank you for the concern.

Garquin wrote:Its Obvious that you have to rape the rapist.

...

Cry Vengeance wrote:Talk to your parents.

And how the hell was she in a situation where she got raped?

Writing this in a hurry, I'd like to say now she actually wasn't raped, but rather sexually assaulted. She was working late on friday night when a man jumped her, luckily a few of her co-workers broke it up. I just went to the police with her today to report it.

ApocalypseVVolf. wrote:I really don't want to influence your decision (I doubt you'll be influenced by a 14-year-old anyway.), but if you really need the help, I'll express my opinion.

Is it the baby not being yours you're worried about? Or just not being ready to be parents?

I mean, as far as abortion, It's none of our rights to tell you what is right and what is wrong, in fact, I say if you think you're ready, you're ready, and if you're not, then I guess you're not. Just go with your gut, or think what'll be best for the child, people have raised children in worse conditions that I'm presuming you're in, if you decide to raise this child, I have no doubt you'll make a great parent.

As for the rape subject, I can't say I know how to approach it either, just comfort her as much as you can without relating to much to the rape subject, There's no doubt in my mind she'll have psychological damage, but it's all about recovery after what's done has been done.

I'm really sorry such a thing had to happen to your girlfriend, but nevertheless, if you're thinking about keeping him/her, congratulations, I suppose.

The baby is ours, not the rapist's. Neither one of us wants to be parents right now, and we're also in no position at all to raise a child. As for me being a father, Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle" comes to mind, but thanks for at least thinking I'd be a good parent. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow about aborting it possibly. It would probably be in her best interest as well, because she doesn't want her family knowing.

eaustinn36 wrote:Alright, you probably know what I would say, and as much as I would love to, I will "save it" at your request.

Ignoring the past (what has happened has happened), this is definitely serious incident.

Before you go on with anything, make sure you discuss the decision completely with her first; the mental burden of carrying your "rapists" child is horrible, and can change a person. IF you consider an abortion, the sooner the better. I don't know if it is too late for the 'morning after pill', but that is also an option.

Before any of the above though, be sure to be there with her for full support. I wouldn't try to press any answers out of her (as in "who did it!!"), being there and supportive is the best option. There are many "rape counseling centers" (idk the exact name) out there that can help for recovery, if she is still in a traumatic state. I wouldn't again try to force anything; the best course of action imo is just assuring her that it isn't her fault or she hasn't done anything wrong; being supportive.

Spoiler:

IMO, I wouldn't have the kid, yours or not. A child that young is a major burden in many ways, and will definitely change your life, and most definitely affect future plans. Ultimately though, it is you and her call, not mine (obviously).

The following is very informative pdf on "what to do" (I didn't make it) that may be helpful:

http://www.janetmeyer.com/articles/SexualAssault/Significant%20Others%20Brochure.pdf


Best of luck man.

My mother's life was practically ruined when she was pregnant with my brother at 18. My Aunt had a similar fate, but it turned out better for her. Unless she really wanted to keep it (which she doesn't) I would abort it or give it a way. Again, it's our child, not the rapist's. If she really wanted to keep it, I would try my best to be a father. I'd never leave her just because I could get some gain out of abandoning her with our child. It's a partnership, for good and bad.

I'm talking in circles, anyway, I'm not going to go around searching for whoever tried to violate her, but if I knew who it was, you better believe I'd put that man in a hospital.

Super Mega King wrote:As far as the kid goes, you basically have three options: Adoption, Abortion, Keeping it.

As far as abortion goes, that's on your own moral compass. I could argue pro-choice just as well as someone else could argue pro-life. Completely on you. Adoption, however, might be a nice alternative if abortion is out the window.

Statistically speaking, and I hate to sound like an asshole, you are much more likely to end up in poverty if you keep the kid at the age you are now. You are 70% more likely, in fact. Furthermore, having a kid that young places such a great burden on the family. My sister is nineteen and is due on New Years.

Whatever your choice, I hope everything works out for you.

Like Meatshield and Cry, I'm also curious how she was in the position to be raped.

Like before, I'm going to talk to her tomorrow about aborting it. It may sound bad, but I don't even want to see it, I don't want anything to do with it unless she does.

I'm fully aware raising a child straight out of high school is a terrible idea, it's happened in my own family too many times, so that's another reason I'd abort it.

Working late, she was jumped at the edge of the parking lot.


Greatly appreciate your guys' input, and it helps us, so thank you all for commenting.

Everyone else already posted good input. Best thing I can suggest now is to stay positive and maintain an optimistic outlook that things will turn out alright. The more confident that you are that things will turn out well will probably reflect on how your girlfriend feels about the situation. Keep calm, be comforting, you know the drill.

Luck to you, bro. We're here for you.

I don't know how she'll respond when I tell her I think it's in our best interests for her to get an abortion, but we'll see how things work out.

The best decisions are hardest to make brother.

My decision is pretty much made, but there is a little light bulb in my head saying, maybe this kid would grow to be someone big. Like maybe he'll be an officer in the army, or a business leader, or maybe she'll be a doctor, or a writer.

It's just running in my head, I can't even sleep right now.

Technically speaking, a human fetus' heart doesn't start beating until about 21 days after conception. Just something to consider.