The 32 Rules of ZombieLand

Rule #1: Cardio
- If you're not light on your feet, most likely you're going to die in ZombieLand. So if you got some pounds hanging off of you find some shelter and a treadmil.

Rule #2: Beware of Bathrooms
- Really not just bathrooms any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better then going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with only one way in or out. Only thing stupider to go into then a bathroom is a movie theater. Lots of places to run around before you get eaten.

Rule #3: SeatBelts.
- Its a safe bet unless your a complete dumb dumb ( see rule #7 ) your not going to be hoofing it on foot in the event of a zombie outbreak. So when travelling on four wheels wear your seat belt. Nothing worse then finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving and oh so hungry arms of zombies.

Rule #4: DoubleTap
- Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last minute 'oh shit' moment remember to double tap. Its an emergency and thats why your using it and not your cricket bat so why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensuring your survival.

Rule #5: No attachments
- This is a tough one but you can not have attachments. If you got kids or a wife your less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Or worse yet making bonehead decisions like 'going back into the room'

Rule #6: Travel in a Group
- The best way to increase your odds of survival when travelling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure your a traveling buffet. Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with the old man with the limp, the little kid who cant run and the middle aged woman with the plastic leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds you can run away faster then they can.

Rule #7: Keep the Dumb Dumbs close at hand
- One of the most sure fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks you 'Whats going on? What Happened? Those are the ones you want with you. That way when the zombies come they are likely to stupid to realize its not Amway calling and run.

Rule #8: Kill with Efficiency
- Its not about pretty its about efficiency. Alot of folks run for the gun cabinet where as the truly savvy go looking for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That can be anything from a baseball bat... to a toilet lid! Kill with Efficiency... dont use weapons that need something to work and use weapons you can swing over and over and over again. You dont tend to run into 1 zombie at a time.

Rule #9: Guns are for hunting, Not for Zombie Killing
- This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When your running who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when your pinned in and need a quick getaway. Its not a proper means for killing zombies as they run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember a Cricket Bat, or Toilet Lid do not need loading!

Rule #10: Be quiet
- Its the end of the world as you know it so try to avoid squeeling like a 4th grade school girl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody said you have to kill all the zombies and there is certainly no shame in sneaking around and surviving versus tearing around like a madman and ending up being an undead happy meal.

(Rules 11 through 14 not mentioned)

Rule #15: Know your way out!
- Nothing worse then a poorly planned escape. If your going to be a hero its always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out!

(Rule 16 not mentioned)

Rule #17: Don't Be a Hero
- The hot chick who was totally gonna give you some is not worth becoming the undead. So when the going gets rough and the hot chick is about to get undead... its time to flee. No making a stand no ending up a brave zombie. Better to be a chicken liver live guy.

Rule #18: Limber Up
- When either fighting a zombie or running from zombies its not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is kind of a must. Stretch it out a little.. it may save your life.

Rule #19: Blend In
- Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead its important to blend in. Whens the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of goo on your face it can happen.

Rule #20: Find the Right Shelter
- Shelter is key to survival but since we are already travelling in a group you should ask yourself why the shelter needs to be stationary. For me a motor home or large all terrain vehicle that seats a half dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighbourhood there is no last minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in drive and roll!

Rule #21: Zombies Can't Climb Walls (a.k.a Find Higher ground)
- Much like you have never seen a zombie eat another zombie whens the last time you saw a zombie climb a wall? Well other then the debacle that was the remake of Day of the Dead which had spiderman zombies. Zombies can climb so find high ground if you do need to stop.

Rule #22: Be Ruthless!!
- Much like having no attachments being ruthless is key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid to the toilet seat and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate will not survive in the world of the undead.

Rule #23: God Bless Rednecks (a.k.a Be Thankful the World has Rednecks)
- Rednecks are loud, brash, well armed and ready to kick ass now and ask questions later. So when a redneck shows up in your group half drunk and rumbling louder then your humvee welcome him. Sure rednecks can attract zombies but they also are well armed and kill a whole lot of em when they do come for dinner. Best of all they are good bait for you to make your exit while he is making a mess of the zombies and before he realizes he just ran out of bullets and does the happy meal groan.

Rule #24: No Drinking
- This one should be pretty plain obvious. Escaping zombies is tough enough as it is. How well do you think you will do after downing a couple shots of Jack Daniels? Drinking is not a good survival tactic.

(Rules 25 - 30 not mentioned)

Rule #31: Check the Backseat
- I cant tell you how many times somebody has eaten it or in this case been eaten because they are just not smart enough to check the back seat. Always check the back seat friends. Always!

Rule #32: Enjoy the Little things
- Its the end of the world. Dont sweat the small stuff. Loot a neighbourhood or two, trash a car, speed! Do the little things and enjoy em. Who knows how long you have to live!


Credit for these rules go to myself for seeing the movie, Several movie critic websites, and the internet.


So... Which rules did you love? Which rules did you hate?

And if anyone can fill in the missing rules (truthfully, not just post some new rule you made up) that would be great........

I think the actual rules were funny, I don't like fan-spins.

DeadApe wrote:Great post mag7num. The wierdest one there is Rule #21, because in the movie you see zombies climbing up that theme park ride...

Yeah i think it meant flat walls. I might edit the post later and put pictures explaining each one but that might be kinda big lol. The pic i saw was of them pushing [SPOILER'S] dead [SPOILER] off of the roof of his [SPOILER] then asking for purell hand sanitiser.

I love rule #32 enjoy the little things, i love destroying every thing and doing what i want to do

i dont follow rules fuck rules. its funner to fuck shit up

Rule #33: Fuck the rules!

But! If you do that, you also need to disregard the Rule #33 meaning you should not fuck the rules, therefore having to follow the Rule #33 again, meaning you still need to fuck the rules, but...

It's a fucking paradox! Where is your God now?

Rule 34 - If it exists, there is porn of it.

Rule 35-
There is ALWAYS a way out. Some are just more difficult then others.

Rule 34: This and always this...

Actually was surprised with this one... I was waiting for it to some how tie in a "Fight Club" reference.

rule 1 never ask quistions

rule 2 dont split up

rule 3 always reload your gun

thats three of my rules

hazematmercenary wrote:rule 1 never ask quistions

rule 2 dont split up

rule 3 always reload your gun

thats three of my rules

What did you think i meant when i said don't make up your own rules? If you're going to post at least post something useful that has something to do with the topic.

It's The 32 Rules of ZombieLand,
Not The 32 Rules of Zombieland, oh yeah plus make up your own shit.

MAG7VUM BROW7V wrote:

hazematmercenary wrote:rule 1 never ask quistions

rule 2 dont split up

rule 3 always reload your gun

thats three of my rules

What did you think i meant when i said don't make up your own rules? If you're going to post at least post something useful that has something to do with the topic.

It's The 32 Rules of ZombieLand,
Not The 32 Rules of Zombieland, oh yeah plus make up your own shit.

Isnt that what you did?

Cry Vengeance wrote:

MAG7VUM BROW7V wrote:

hazematmercenary wrote:rule 1 never ask quistions

rule 2 dont split up

rule 3 always reload your gun

thats three of my rules

What did you think i meant when i said don't make up your own rules? If you're going to post at least post something useful that has something to do with the topic.

It's The 32 Rules of ZombieLand,
Not The 32 Rules of Zombieland, oh yeah plus make up your own shit.

Isnt that what you did?

No.. these are the actual rules.

Oh yeah? Well you smell funny!