A Mans Gun Is His Best Friend.- PT.1

"Repair that god damn barricade!" commanded Bill as he swiftly reloaded his M4 Carbine. The zombies were hacking like mad men at the barricade that the lone survivors had built. "There"s too much of them" shouted Louis in return. "Well then it looks like its gonna be a long night ladies and gentlemen" replied Francis.

The 4 survivors, Bill, Louis, Francis and Zoey were pinned down and fighting for their lives in a small barricaded gas station store. They had run out of supplies a few days back, which had consisted of food, water, etc. They only had their guns, a few ammo boxes and scraps of food and water.

"How many of these things are there?!" shouted Louis throughout the sounds of bullets whistling through the damp, smoky air and the frequent groaning and moaning of the infected. "There's enough for me to know that one of them is my daughter..."Bill said in a awe of sadness and disbelief.

"Don't start talking like that, you know we'll make it out of here and be free at last." Francis said convincingly.

The four survivors all looked at each other.

"Yeah, if we make it out of here..." Louis quietly said.



PART 2 IS COMING SOON ( IF U THINK I SHOULD CONTINUE ON WITH THIS STORY)

Thanks,

KissMeArs

"ITS HAMMER TIME"-MOTTO

Yes im curious to see what you do with the L4D characters.

It was okay, but it was only a few paragraphs. Also, I'm not a huge fan of FanFics so I don't know maybe it was just my biased opinion. Keep it up anyway.

KissMeArs wrote:"Repair that god damn barricade!" commanded Bill as he swiftly reloaded his M4 Carbine.

There's no m4 carbine in left 4 dead. there's m16.heh.

WOW this is a nice story i dont think u should stop KEEP IT UP jakx out

Copied message to try and get dialog to be done right...

Incorrect:
"Get the fuck away from me!" Bill's scream cut through the foggy sea air. The scream was in vane, though, as the seemingly endless wave of growling and screeching zombies advanced forward one by one, with their hands out, grabbing air as they were stopped short by M16 round to the gut. Some were just inches away from his skull. "Can I get some help over here?!" Bill pleaded to the other 3 others. "Shit out of ammo!" Bill screamed as he saw the last 4 zombies make a wild sprint towards him. 10 feet, 9 feet, 8, 7, 6, 5,... they kept gaining. Bill flinched as a zombie stopped just inches out of its reach. Bill squinted his eyes and was just able to see 4 zombies be torn away from 12 shot gun shells ravaged through the 4 zombies. Blood squirted into Bill's eyes. He rubbed his eyes and opened them again to see one last zombie stumbling towards him. Bill look at his M16, useless, then at his hands. His hands. He knew what must be done. The zombie now had Bill's head in his hands."This is it!" the zombie thought. "This is my shot at bra-..." His train of thought was cut short as a quick jab to the face. Another jab broke he grip free from his Bill's old wrinkled head. "Suck on this, bitch." Those words echoed through the zombie's ears and the last jab was thrown through the zombie's face and ended at the back of the skull. Bill let out a horrifying war cry that shuttered the very bones of the 3 survivors as he ripped out the hippocampus of his attacker, no, his prey. Bill held it up above his head as it glowed and basted in the moon light. "I told you I would kill them with my bare hands, MY BARE GOD DAMN HANDS!" magicman Bill said. "What ever you say Bill." Zoey agreed in fear of her life.

Correct:
"This is it!" the zombie thought. "This is my shot at bra-..." His train of thought was cut short as a quick jab to the face. Another jab broke he grip free from his Bill's old wrinkled head.
"Suck on this, bitch." Those words echoed through the zombie's ears and the last jab was thrown through the zombie's face and ended at the back of the skull. Bill let out a horrifying war cry that shuttered the very bones of the 3 survivors as he ripped out the hippocampus of his attacker, no, his prey. Bill held it up above his head as it glowed and basted in the moon light. "I told you I would kill them with my bare hands, MY BARE GOD DAMN HANDS!" magicman Bill said.
"What ever you say Bill." Zoey agreed in fear of her life.

The point here is, indent when a new person is speaking in dialog. Also sorry for that random story. I had to tribute something to magicman.

Not a bad story. Check it over with grammar and add some detail, otherwise, not bad.
I am a grammar whore so even the slightest mess up in grammar annoys the ever living shit out of me.

that was a good story

Louis"s eyes fixed back on to the zombies breaking their way through the barricade. "SHIT! Their getting in!" he cursed. " Were running low on god damn ammo too!" replied Zoey. "Then we'll have to fight with our bare god damn hands!" thundered Bill through the deep, damp air. All the other survivors looked at him like he was crazy or something.

They were going to have to act quick on choosing their next move. The barricade wasn't going to hold out much longer. Soon the four survivors lives would be in risk of those flesh eating monsters."I say we head outside through the back door and make our way north." suggested Francis. "Are you crazy, that would be a bloodbath! We wouldn't survive." argued Bill. Precious minutes passed by without any survivors suggesting a decent and less risk full move. Bill huffed in a big sigh. "Well it looks like were going with Francis"s plan".

The four lone survivors staggered out on to the rough terrain of the outback country. They could still hear the heart stopping growls and moans of the zombies in the front of the store. "What the fuck do we do?" whispered Louis. Bill looked around for a sign of a safe path in which they could take. There were none. These zombies were everywhere. All of a sudden he spotted a large building about 10 kilometers away. He pointed it out to the other survivors. "Were going there".

The sounds of guns being reloaded and cocked echoed through the air as Louis, Francis and Zoey awaited the signal from Bill to move out.

"Go go go" whispered Bill.

KissMeArs wrote:Louis"s eyes fixed back on to the zombies breaking their way through the barricade. "SHIT! Their getting in!" he cursed. " Were running low on god damn ammo too!" replied Zoey. "Then we'll have to fight with our bare god damn hands!" thundered Bill through the deep, damp air. All the other survivors looked at him like he was crazy or something.

Lmfao nice. Pretty good. Little short but good.