Derek's Journal

Day 1 of Infection - I've been wandering around for a few hours now. The streets are empty, stores are destroyed, and cars are broken down. I found an alleyway to rest. Im going to try to sleep and find out what happened here.

Day 3 of infection - I found a group of people with weapons. Im still not sure what's happening around here, but i don't like it. Not much else happened today.

Day 7 of infection - We were attacked! Me, George, and Carl managed to make it out alive but the others...oh god i could hear their screams! We escaped to the rooftop and are waiting for a helicopter to hopefully fly by.

Day 8 of infection - George and Carl tried their best to hold the door but it wasn't enough. They broke through and we all split up. I heard gunfire but i hope they got away. I ran into a subway and found a guy named Fred. He has plenty of supplies so i would guess that he has been here for awhile.

Day 10 of Infection (Audio Log) - Fred: I here them coming down...
Derek: What's down this tunnel?
Fred:Uhhhh, An old maintenance closet. Why?
Derek:Well i guess were going there.
Fred:Hell no! I saw Cloverfield! Im not gunna let no acid spittin Spider thing tear me apart!
Derek:Come on! Its the only way out!
Fred: Fine.

Day 12 of infection - We found a squad of dead Marines. Judging by the rips in their stomachs, something powerful got them. I can't believe this is happening.

Day 14 of infection (Audio Log) - (whispering) Derek:Oh my god... they found us. Fred was killed and I'm hiding in a janitor's closet.
(Clawing at the door)
Derek:Shit! I know no one will find this, but if anyone does, head north! Fred mentioned a quarantined area known as "Sector 17".
(Door gets knocked down)
Derek:AAAAAHHHHH!!!
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I am still an amateur writer and any criticism would be helpful.

Well, being the write fag I am I would love to try and criticize your work! All right so the angle in which you present the story is not bad but detail would be a huge help. Make things less... sudden. Build up suspense. I hate to make my self look like a self loving dosher but look at my stories. Just because of the ways that they are presented, they are similar to yours. I do say this to a lot of writers on here but if you have the balls to post something even if its shit, then you have the potential. That is really the best criticism without re-writing your story. I really hope you re-make this. It is always good to see new faces write some stories every now and then.

Well it seems like there is a lot of talented Writers on this website...
I've never attempted it but when it comes to literature i can be very precise and depicting.

Yea like waffle I always like when people write stories. The story is kind of bare bones though. To make this great take each episode and write a full fledged story out of each, because the "plot" has great potential (action, dead marines, something large we dont know about.)

iS Plague wrote:Well it seems like there is a lot of talented Writers on this website...
I've never attempted it but when it comes to literature i can be very precise and depicting.

You should post something. I did, with some spelling errors, but i would like to have someone tell me how good or bad it is too. So hope to see something of yours posted.