Thomas's Story Chapter 4!!!!!.....teaser

Al-righty here is a teaser of Chapter 4. Let me know what you think. Also I am working on 3.5 but I am not sure if it will fit the series well. Well, enjoy. It's not much but I will bump when I update the rest of the story.

Criticism is highly recommended

A bright flash clouded Thomas's view. The blow to the head by an air born 2X4 from the bench had done what the nearly 7' towering military experiment of shear mussel had planned. Its victory was short lived as 8 slugs punctured and ravaged the internal organs of the beast. It let out a loud cry as the shrapnel exploded through its shoulder blades. It fell to the ground for only a moment as it got back up for its final charge.
"Shit! Out of slugs!" screamed Gary as he franticly ebbed from the advancing behemoth.
Gary was now up against the wall swinging everything in reach at the seeming unstoppable force that slowly climbed to his position. Gary shut his eyes and braced to be accelerated through a wall of cinderblocks and piping. In one swift motion, an aluminum rod trusted through the pale white skin of the beast. It pushed through spinal nerves and the lower intestine stopping it just inches away from Gary's face. This "tank" fell like a building with a blown out base. Gary avoided and had enough time to embrace the smell of rotting flesh and hear the sound bones cracking and flesh ripping as the beast fell to a stop.
The scene left in the wake of it destruction was almost unbelievable. The metal framing was bent warped as it stood alone at the door way. Glass shards scattered the floor as well as mixed derbrie and whole benches thrown as far as 100 yards. However, the 6 survivors' attention wasn't directed to the scene inside but rather in the parking lot. Blood started to pool as the once 100 zombie strong horde had been demolished by the ravaging "tank." That however, still isn't what caught the attention of the few.
Off on the horizon, were rustling trees but a loud booming that came from within. The survivors began to ran as the 4 "tanks" quickly advanced to their position.

Yup. No surprises yet I am afraid. This will have more action in it however, and hopefully be written better than this but, I have shit to do and people to see.

So at the end of chapter 3, hes too busy writing in the journal franticly that he doesnt move when the tank charges him, and a piece of wood knocks him out? Just to clerify.

This is a great changeup. The action is awsome, and to only find out that, that was just one tank is pretty scary. Cant wait to see the full story!

If anything to improve on, the only thing I'd say is to make sure a concussed Thomas has some involvement in the full chapter which im sure he will.

Thanks. Yea Thomas's mental status isn't best. He has mainly two goals, keep writing and finding Debby. He runs but notices the tank (ie: OH SHITT..bla bla bla... ITS HUGE ZOMFGBBQ!!!) and instead of defending himself writing becomes the better option. Also tension will rise between Steve and Thomas. And yes Thomas will be much more involved in the full story. Originally I had a whole "bit" on him that was explained quite a bit but, the little "oh shit..." moment at the and seemed to fit better with out a confusing transition.